A Fitting Memorial for Grandpa

Memorial Day. A day argued by many that is lost to some in meaning. Many mark it as an extra day off — a day of barbeques, a first summer swim in a lake or a chance to get away.

It began as Decoration Day, an event to decorate the graves of the fallen from the North and the South during the Civil War. It is a day specifically set aside to recognize those who died in the service of country.

Indeed, my own marking of the day has wandered over the years.

These days I make my way up to Mendon, and place flowers on the grave of grandmother Ann Findley Westover, a grandparent I hadn’t even known about 10 years ago. She never served in the armed forces, however, and if we’re going to split hairs you could say she wasn’t even an American.

But for me her grave gives me a special place to remember all who came before me – because they all died in the service of me and my children.

They all fought different kinds of battles, to be sure, and most never wore a uniform. But serve us they did – every one of them. Grandma Ann seems to be representative of them all in so many ways.

To be honest, as the grandson of one taken by war I have always been a bit lost on remembering him well each Memorial Day.

After all, his only grave that I know about is in France.

I have never been there and will likely never get the chance to go there.

There is, simply, no fitting place of memorial where I can leave my tokens of gratitude for him.

It was just Monday of last week that we buried my grandson, Quin.

His was a life taken before it ever truly began. His little body was laid to rest in Salt Lake City, a tiny grave tenderly prepared for him by loving parents and gathered family determined to remember his place in the family.

Odd as it seems, I could not help pondering the similarities between my grandson and my grandfather while at the cemetery this week.

It is no small wonder to me that Quin resides now within the same realm as my Grandpa Carl. These two men of the family – Quin, my grandson and Carl, my grandfather – have their common connection in me and my children.

Perhaps their circumstance is giving them the chance to know each other – a powerful thought to me.

That will be an opportunity we all face as the curtain of life descends on each of us.

In the months before my mother died I had some very sacred conversations with her about the family she would see when she got to the other side.

I asked her what she would say to her mother when the time came and Mom said, “I want to tell her how very much I have missed her but somehow I think she already knows that.”

But Mother was never one to keep conversations like this one sided.

“What would you tell her? Or, better yet, what do you want me to tell her?”

When it came to Nana my answer was simple. “You tell her, Mom, that I love her.”

Of her step-father, Bumpa, Mom was concerned with some earthly things – what he would say about what she did with the stuff he left her.

I told Mom that he wouldn’t care about that stuff but I can recall her smiling as she said, “Yes, but he’s going to ask me nonetheless.”

Her answer to my query about Grandma Begich was one of great interest to me.

Mother and I had not discussed her for many years. It was a topic I had dropped because Mom was, in my perception, a little bitter about Grandma’s refusal to see me when I had visited Minnesota in the 1980s. She took it very personally.

But Mom surprised me.

She sighed and said, “I just want to give her a hug and tell her I am sorry.”

That answer caused me to marvel and quite nearly made it impossible for me to say anything when Mom asked what she could tell Grandma Begich for me. “You tell her the hug is from us both, Mom”, was all I could think of to say.

But when it came to Grandpa Carl the question proved one very difficult for both of us to answer.

You see, my mother did not know her father. The war took him away before she could even create a memory of him. Mother would not have just one question for her father, I assure you.

I consider now what Mom said then to be something very sacred.

So I won’t reveal it here or at this time.

But Mom did ask me what she could say to him from me when the time came.

And that I will share with you.

“Mom, I’d like you to tell Grandpa that we have not forgotten him. I want him to know that even though we didn’t know him or his family in this life that we are trying to. I want him to know I appreciate how much he spoke of love for you and for Nana. I want him to know I’ve read of his love for his mother and for his father, and for his family. I want him to know that while I honor him for his sacrifice, I love him for who he was to them.”

Mother chuckled a little bit when I said that. “I don’t think I can remember all that”, she said. Yes, you will, Mom. In fact, I’m sure you did.

My brother has recently taken up the quest of trying to find out why Grandpa Carl died five days after the war ended in Europe.

The circumstances of his death have always been suspicious and while I think the sting of needing to know has subsided a bit I think the deeper curiosity now is fueled by a desire to know yet another story about him.

That will be interesting to learn, if we ever get to the truth. But there is, simply, more to his life than the tale of his death.

For me, however, the most fitting memorial for Grandpa Carl is finally starting to materialize.

It isn’t in a grave marker.

It is, as it ever has been, in his family.

Recently we have made new connections and we have learned more of Grandpa Carl.

But more importantly – much more importantly – we have felt love from those who claim him as family.

We have heard stories, we have seen tears shed, we have pondered together the what-if’s. And we have celebrated these lost individuals who have left this world to us from the Begich side of the family.

This, I think, would make Grandpa Carl very happy.

When he got to the other side I don’t think there was anyone in his life that he knew there to greet him. His father was another 20 years in passing over. His mother wouldn’t come for nearly 50 years.

But one by one his family members that he knew in this life have joined him.

What did he do to prepare for them? Who did he meet before they ever got there? How has he been able to connect to our family long passed to the family still occupying the earth?

I don’t know the answer to those questions except in this respect: it’s happening.

I am meeting and getting to know my Begich cousins. We are learning what they know of those my Grandpa Carl held most dear.

Baby step by baby step, we are becoming family – in the truest sense of the word.

What more fitting memorial can there be for Grandpa Carl?

To that end we will keep trying and keep connecting.

Who knows? Maybe someday – perhaps on a Memorial Day weekend – we can gather to remember, to honor and to celebrate.

And then everyone can bring flowers.

Norm Welty

The Beauty of the Little Details

Recently I have had the chance to connect with more of my Begich cousins. It has been wonderful.

In conversing with one via email this week I asked some questions about my great Grandpa Mike Begich, who immigrated to the United States around 1905. He lived from 1886 to 1965.

In my lifetime I’ve heard so very little personal detail about him. So little details like this from my cousin this week are very meaningful to me:

“As an 8-year-old, I used to visit and stay over with my grandparents fairly often. Grandpa would always let me rummage through his junk drawer to admire old pocket watches and jack knives and other paraphernalia. Grandpa collected wood slats from peach and other fruit crates (Grandma was ALWAYS canning something or other) and showed me how to make bird houses out of them with his tools.”

So many think family history is tied to the epic events in their lives – the stories of overcoming, of moving from one country to another, of accomplishing great things. Those things have their place but I find greater comfort in the finer and even mundane details of their lives.

Norm WeltyFor example, pictured to the right is my Uncle Norm Welty, my grandmother’s little brother. Taken in 1978, he is about 60 years old and working on an engine in his garage. Cars were a passion with him and his family. This is Uncle Norm in his element. And it is a treasure to me. This picture speaks to me of Norm’s goodness.

There are many such lessons to find in the everyday details.

Another example: Grandmother Ann Finley Westover, a handcart pioneer, was known through-out the community of Mendon for her cookies. Her house was very close the school, which was in the center of town, and most children coming home from school knew they could stop in at Sister Westover’s house for stories and cookies on a daily basis.

Some of the details speak of normal stuff – like fighting with siblings.

In this delightful video Grandma Maurine Westover talks about having to fight like a boy with her brother:

Albert Smith left some wonderful detail about his pioneer life in his journals.

He had more mouths to feed than ever in 1855 and yet had suffered a total loss of his crops due to “the hoppers”, as he called them.

They were destitute and needed food. I can almost hear Albert in conversation as he told the story of what they had to do:

We heard that there was good crops raised up north in Ogden were two of my brothers-in-law lived Isaac Outicark and Orilin Colving. I saw no alternative for we only go there and get some grain, yet I had nothing to buy with so I had to go and get it by faith. I hocked my 2 yoke of oxen to my wagon, took plenty of sacks and Emily with her two babies and Almon her old child a lad of six years old and started for Egip, I mean Ogden, far west. We had good luck going there and we found our friends all well. Nearby one of my brother-in-law there was a large field where there was good chance for to glean. I improved every minute of my time that I could for 16 days gathered it together and thrashed it, cleaned and put it in to sacks and when it was done I had (22) twenty-two bushels of wheat. Emily had gotten 8 or 10 bushels with made me as big a load as I could hall with two yoke of oxen. We returned in safety the distance 150 miles. We found our family all well. So much for work and faith. That 32 bushels of wheat with the potatoes and few bushels or corn served us for bread the year (12 instead of 11 in my family) without and suffering although I had to give the Indians not such less than one bushel of potatoes for 40 or 50 days.

Amongst my Grandpa Carl’s letters I found this thought he had written home on New Year’s Eve in a letter to my Nana, speaking of the day my mother was born:

“…Being New Year’s Eve and all that sort of rot means its just another day for me, another evening spent in further solemnity, solitude and deep thought, thoughts pertinent to exactly one year ago today. And yet, I don’t looking up this day as being anything really, of true value. It only means that 1944 is here. But, I look further, exactly 11 days – eleven days from this evening. Gees — Mt. Kisco Hospital; maternity ward; a big whooping squeal and bingo, there she was: Cathy. Remember? Then too, the next day when I visited you – and saw you in the recuperating department. Yes, dearest, I cherish those things. How find and beautiful you looked the next day, your eyes were plain fire balls, shining like the sun…”

At the end of the day do these small details matter? Do we really need to know that our English grandfather named John Westover III had three cows names Lily, Sparkle and Pickle?

Maybe not, but I think they make a difference.

The beauty of the little details makes these grandparents and ancestors so much more than names on a headstone.

They were just normal folks, doing the same things we all do.

They took their joys as blessings and their challenges as opportunities to grow faith. They did, as we all do — the very best they could.

I find more and more as I seek out family and get to know more about those I have not known I come to appreciate most these little details.

What is normal is sacred to me about them. I think that is because I want to be worthy of them. And it is the small normal things that makes that possible.

A Trip to Minnesota

Alice BegichIt hasn’t even been a week since we received word that Aunt Alice passed away.

Last Sunday Bunni posted on Facebook in a message broadcast to family and loved ones far and wide that at the age of 91 Alice had gone home to be with Pete.

Very quickly my Dad and my brother and I exchanged messages to each other. “We have to go,” Jay said.

We all felt that way.

Alice is the wife of my Uncle Peter Begich, my Grandpa Carl’s big brother.

You know the story of Grandpa Carl and hopefully you know the story of how Pete and his family came to know us.

Alice was such a big part of that story.

Pete and AliceI cannot recall the year exactly, maybe 1978 or 79, but Pete and Alice and Bunni made the trip to California to be sealed together in the temple.

This was the first time all of us except my father had met any of my mother’s family. My Mom was understandably very nervous about the whole thing.

It was Alice who made it all so easy.

She was so sweet, so fun, so accepting – how could anyone NOT love her?

She was funny, warm, talented, and so very gracious to all of us. She had my mother silly in minutes. Alice was, in the shortest terms possible, instant family. She was simply all about love.

The news of Alice’s passing was not unexpected. When Bunni and Jim popped into Aubree’s wedding reception late last year she told me that her mother was not doing well at all.

So we were ready for that news. It was never a question whether or not we would go when the time came. We had to go. My mother would want to be represented – and we would want to remember Alice with all those who loved her as well.

On Monday, I came home from work and messaged Bunni first thing to learn the arrangements. She told me the funeral would be on Thursday.

Whew. I wasn’t sure I could make arrangements for myself that fast. But I messaged Dad and Jay again and within the hour plans were formalized. I packed a bag not knowing if when
I returned to work in the morning they would give me the time off.

We figured that if we left from my house on late Tuesday afternoon we could drive the 1500 miles there in time for the funeral and then get back later on Friday night, so I could squeeze in one more day of work into this week.

What good could come from 70 hours of driving and 3 hours of funeral?

Miracles rarely take that much time.

~ A Long Ago Trip ~

I had been to Minnesota once before in my life.

After Pete and Alice came to California Bunni and I kept up a light correspondence that lasted through my mission. I came home from the mission field on April 26th, 1984. I was home all of three months before I moved to Utah.

I think it was the following summer, in 1985, that Bunni and her parents came through Salt Lake City on a trip. I recall meeting with Bunni briefly during a stay at the KOA on North Temple in Salt Lake.

Their trip came on the heels of a visit to Salt Lake City by my Grandma. Dad called me one day and he told me she wanted to go to the recently opened Family History Library and to visit with her sister, my great aunt Elma. My job was to get Grandma around wherever she wanted to go.

So each day of that week-long visit I drove out to Ralph and Elma’s house in Kearns and drove Grandma and Elma to the library. Most days I had to work while they were at the library but on my days off I spent the day there with them.

Grandma showed me how to use a micro film reader and how to look up possible locations of family records. She very wisely encouraged me to work on my mother’s side of the family and using her direction I was soon very deeply involved in name research.

I called my mother nearly every day that week as I found more and more information that was new. I very quickly became hooked on the idea of mining my mother’s information.

So when Bunni told me she was coming through Salt Lake City and wanted to see me I was anxious to see her – so I could ask about the Begich side of my mother’s family. That side, beyond my Grandpa Carl’s parents, was unknown – and unavailable at that time through the Family History Library.

We had a delightful visit and after a long conversation she thought it was best for me to come visit. I told her of my desire to see Grandma Begich. She told me she would discuss it with her father and that if anyone could make such a visit possible it would be her father – or herself if necessary.

Some months later — I don’t recall the date – I set out on my own from Salt Lake for northern Minnesota. My mother was well aware of the trip. We discussed it. She doubted Grandma Begich would see me but she encouraged me to get as much information as I could, especially pictures.

I look back on it now and it was a little crazy. A 22 year old kid driving by himself across the plains to somewhere he had never been. But it was an adventure to me. I drove 24 hours straight and stopped only for gas, my curiosity growing it seemed by the mile. Wyoming and Nebraska were kind of boring but as I made my way through Iowa and the landscape began to change I started to wonder what was ahead.

By the time I had arrived in Minnesota and specifically in Gilbert I was clearly in a different place – something entirely new and old all at the same time.

But I was welcomed with opened arms, good food and lots of love. That would be my enduring memory of this entire trip – it was filled with love.

Looking back on it now and the record I made at the time of what I learned there are so many things I would do different. Not that I did anything wrong. But age and perspective have a way of making you see things you didn’t see at the time.

The focus really was on getting a chance to visit Grandma Begich. Each day I was there Pete would disappear for a while to discuss it with his mother. And each day he would come home with hopeful words that by the end of the week it could possibly happen. As the days passed I was given the grand tour of the area and I heard many stories of family. Pete and Alice completely immersed me in their world, sharing their music and their love of simple things. I did copy a lot of photos that Pete had and I called my Mom a time or two to share things with her.

As my time there wound down I could see Pete’s anxiety growing over the visit with Grandma. I can recall a conversation around the dinner table where he expressed his frustration and said, “I think you should just show up.” Bunni then said that she wanted a crack a Grandma, that she could convince her to see me.

I was very torn over the whole thing. My mother had long before expressed to me that she felt growing up that she wasn’t wanted, that the family in Minnesota didn’t want to know her. How mother came to feel that way she never explained. But she felt that way and that fueled her doubts about me being able to visit Grandma. I wanted badly to prove mother wrong about all that.

But at the same time, as Pete would explain how Grandma would put her hands up around her ears and start to cry, I couldn’t just not acknowledge her feelings. The thought occurred to me that I was about the age Carl was when he died. What if I never came home to my mother from this trip? Would Mother then understand?

It occurred to me that I was putting the emphasis on the wrong thing. Yes, if I could see Grandma that would be a great thing. If I could hear her story from her own lips that would be even better. If I could get to know her that would be the best.

But if that would put her in the pit of grief for the rest of her days what good would we be accomplishing?

My Begich experience up to that point had been about love – love extended to me. How could I love Grandma enough to honor her request to avoid that pain?

So I told Pete and Bunni it was okay. It was enough for me to be there, to see them, to learn what I could.

Love had brought us together. And love would solve this in time.

~ 33 Years Later ~

We stayed in Bozeman last Tuesday night. We got up early on Wednesday and left at 5:30 am – and drove all day, getting to Duluth, Minnesota before 9pm. We were going to make it for the funeral just fine.

We got to Gilbert the next morning a little early and decided to see what we could of the cemetery. We very quickly saw where Pete was buried and where Alice would be. Then we started to look for others.

Catholic Church of Eveleth, Mn. Why hadn’t I gone to the cemetery when I was there 3 decades before? It never dawned on me then to do so – plus all the people I wanted to see then were still living.

A quick search revealed that Grandpa and Grandma Begich were not in the same cemetery with Pete – they were over in Eveleth. So we jumped in the car and drove a few miles to Eveleth – the boyhood home of my Grandfather.

Again, why hadn’t I visited Eveleth thirty years ago?

We poked around a bit trying to find the cemetery. We found the Catholic church and stopped to get a picture of it. While there a man was kind enough to give us directions to the cemetery.

We drove there, saw the thousands of headstones and did the best we could in the very few minutes we had. But it wasn’t meant to be – we did not find Grandma and Grandpa.

But it was time to go. Time to head back to Gilbert and pay our respects to Alice – and anyone who might be there from the family. We didn’t know what to expect. I knew some of them were getting along in years and I was worried that they, like Alice, were maybe feeling the effects of age and maybe could not attend.

We walked into the tiny funeral home and saw the many people gathering. After a few quick hellos with Jim and Bunni we were at last introduced to Aunt Tillie and Aunt Belle – my grandpa Carl’s sisters. They welcomed us with wide smiles and warm hearts. We dove into conversation so very quickly that it seemed a shame we had to end it for the start of the funeral service.

The tributes to Alice were nice. I so wanted to stand up and shout, “We love her too!”. But at the same time it was nice to enter into her world as kind of a fly on the wall and to hear others say the things about her we already knew.

As things concluded, and Alice’s casket was wheeled out of the room, I heard Aunt Belle – age 94 and strong in every way – say very softly, and respectfully, in a voice full of love – “Bye, Alice”. It broke my heart a little bit because of the sadness in her tone. But I quickly understood it wasn’t because of loss – it was because of love. And I wondered as I thought about these two great ladies – Alice and Belle – and what they must have shared over the years.

Events at the cemetery were very brief, and we returned for a long as we could stay to the VFW hall next door to the funeral home, where a luncheon had been prepared for the family.

In the conversations that ensued and the great things that were expressed we learned some things that we had not known before. These are small things, but they are great things, at least to me. Here are some things we didn’t know:

1. Grandpa Carl was an artist. Aunt Belle told me he could draw anything. She said that if she had to do a homework assignment for school that he could help her. When she needed Sir Francis Drake, Carl drew him. This small detail, of course, is really reminiscent of my mother, who had the same great ability.

2. Aunt Tillie doesn’t believe for a second the story behind Carl’s death. She too recounted his lack of love for the water, something we had heard before. But she also noted with great suspicion that he died days after the war was declared over and that his drowning was a very unlikely scenario – that he would never go near the water.

3. Aunt Tillie said she was in possession of the letters Carl wrote home to their parents. We want to get copies of those letters so we can add them to the collection we already have.

4. Bunni told the story of a memorial service held for Carl after the war. Grandma Begich was presented with a flag from that traditional ceremony. She told them they could keep the flag, that she wanted her son back.

5. Aunt Tillie indicated that she had been in contact with Sandy Minot, Pete’s daughter from his first marriage. Sandy has been pushing her to write Grandma Begich’s story and Tillie said she was deeply involved in that effort. This is perhaps the most exciting news of all.

6. Belle told me her mother came over from Yugoslavia at the age of 17 and that she left because the future she saw for herself there was only as a housekeeper for the Catholic Church. She said that she had to have the sponsorship of a cousin who lived in Oregon to make the trip.

7. It was in Oregon that she met Grandpa Begich, who had gone there for a job in logging. They moved to Minnesota because a cousin had told him about the mining jobs.

By far the most rewarding part of these precious few hours of Alice’s funeral was just being in the presence of these family members, all of whom expressed love and a few who shed a few tears.

In the end, it was again all about love. We felt it in abundance.

~ A Happy Coincidence ~

Aunt Belle is 94 and Aunt Tillie is just five years behind her. Both use walkers and have a little difficulty with their mobility but at the same time I found them both to be remarkably conversant and so very sharp. They both had a lot to say.

Belle told me that she was recently in the paper and I made a point to snag it to see what it said. I’m thrilled to share it here, because I think it showcases so nicely her demeanor and personality.

Like all of our family of this generation she had quite an experience during the war and I’m grateful for this record and the pictures that went along with it:

Rosie the Riveter was the star of a campaign aimed at recruiting female workers for defense industries during World War II — and Katherine “Belle” Begich, now Vukelich, was an enthusiastic participant.

The Eveleth native, now going on 94, became a Rosie the Riveter, joining the thousands of American women who entered the workforce during the war. This was because male enlistment left holes in the industrial labor force. Between 1940 and 1945, the female percentage of the U.S. workforce increased from 27 percent to nearly 37 percent, and by 1945 nearly one out of every four married women worked outside the home.

While women during World War II worked in a variety of positions previously closed to them, the aviation industry saw the greatest increase in female workers — including Vukelich. More than 310,000 women worked in the U.S. aircraft industry in 1943, making up 65 percent of the industry’s total workforce (compared to just 1 percent in the pre-war years). The munitions industry also heavily recruited women workers — including Vukelich.

Based in small part on a real-life munitions worker, but primarily a fictitious character, the strong, bandanna-clad Rosie became one of the most successful recruitment tools in American history, and the most iconic image of working women in the World War II era. Though women who entered the workforce during World War II were crucial to the war effort, their pay continued to lag far behind their male counterparts: Female workers rarely earned more than 50 percent of male wages. The Saturday Evening Post in 1943 published a cover image by the artist Norman Rockwell, portraying Rosie with a flag in the background and a copy of Adolf Hitler’s racist tract “Mein Kampf” under her feet.

From the Mesabi Daily News:

VIRGINIA — It was the 1940s and her three brothers were serving in World War II — Carl Begich in Germany, Mike Begich in Africa, Pete Begich in the Philippines. So Katherine “Belle” Begich, now Vukelich, wanted to do her patriotic part.

BelleVukelich, soon to be 94, described it this way in an interview at her home in Virginia’s Washington Manor. “I graduated in 1942 from Eveleth High School. There were no jobs to be had and I wanted a job. I said, ‘I’ve got to do something for the war effort and that’s what I did.'” Women found employment as electricians, welders and riveters in defense plants.

Vukelich grew up in the Eveleth mining location, populated mostly by Slovenians and Croatians, known as Kurjavas, or Chickentown, near the Spruce Mine. “I had a friend from Milwaukee, Tillie Tonko,” she said. “She invited me to come to Milwaukee. She said I could do defense work. There were are a lot of girls down there from the Range. So I took a train to Milwaukee. Tillie said, ‘You can live in my mother’s house. Her name is Mrs. Snidarsich.’ Other girls from the Range were Marion Krall, Josephine Trost, Ann and Rose Lopac. For $7 a week I got a breakfast and a bag lunch and supper, had a little apartment by myself in her huge house. We lived on East Knapp Street. Mrs. Snidarsich took me by street car here and there to apply for a job.”

Vukelich was hired by Nesco, a company that made pots and pans which had been converted to a munitions plant, she said. “I ran a machine called an indenter. We were on an assembly line. I made the firing pin hole in the shell. We made 20-mm anti aircraft shells. First I would make a cup of a little sheet of brass. If I put a shell in the wrong way, the mechanic would have to fix it.” She is proud to say that she was able to hold five long shells at once. She remembers when a woman got her long red hair hair stuck in a drill press — she had forgotten to put on the protector over her hair.

Belle Vukelich, then 19, came down with infected tonsils that had to be removed, and she went home to Eveleth to recuperate. But it didn’t keep her down for long. She had a sister who worked with the Northwest Glider Company in St. Paul. “I got itchy feet and had to get another job,” Vukelich said. “I was hired at Northwest Airlines at Holman Field (Twin Cities) where they had B-24 Liberator bombers.

“First I had to go to school to learn all parts of the plane and the lingo. I was drilling and buffing rivets. I liked being in the bomb bay where bombs were stored when the plane was in flight for war. I became a parts runner, had a moped and went from hangar to hangar. These airplanes came from Texas with just the bare necessities to fly. We had to install plumbing, electric and hydraulic lines before we could let the planes go back to Texas. I was there a couple years. And in 1945 President Franklin Delano Roosevelt announced that the war was over. We all got laid off except a skeleton crew that was left to clean up.”

After the war she came home to the Iron Range and found employment at Reed’s and Sears department stores. Her fiance, Paul Vukelich of Virginia, came home from the service and the two were married in 1948. They had three children, Steven, Nicholas and Donna. Belle Vukelich later attended the Eveleth Area Vocational-Technical School and became an LPN. She was employed by the East Range Clinic and worked for the late Dr. George Ewens, dermatologist, and also at the ERC pharmacy with pharmacist Dennis Greben and others. She retired in 1981 and “became a homemaker again,” she said with a smile. “And that’s the end of my story.”

Asked about her feelings on helping with the war effort, she said, “I got thanks from people. I’m glad I did it. The girls — that’s what we did during the war. The girls left home and put on these ‘toilet seat’ covers (head coverings) and coveralls. We didn’t make much money. My mother cut up all my uniforms for making rag rugs.”

BelleShe said, “I feel proud that I did it. I have no regrets.” Then she added with a chuckle, “I left a couple nice boyfriends down there.” And sometimes married men would try to make advances — to whom she’d say, “Leave me alone. I’m a single woman, you’re a married man with lovely children and a beautiful wife. Oh, was I mad. They didn’t bother me again.”

She and her husband Paul Vukelich — who died in 2017 one month shy of 96 — were married 69 years. “It would have been 70 in June,” she said. He had played in a tamburitza band, she said.

Vukelich has one surviving sister, Tillie Gulan, who also resides at Washington Manor. Her other sisters were Mary Yurkovich and Rose Biondich.

~ What Happens Now ~

I’ve taken the time to write this because this is family history in the making. It is, in reality, a story that dates back 100 years to a time when our Begich great-grandparents came to the USA.

And we are continuing to write it.

We must build on these tender relationships. We need to remain in contact with Belle and Tillie and to come to know them better. We must learn about their lives and families. They must learn about ours.

We’re part of each other.

Perhaps we can make up with them some of the time we never had with Grandma Begich and Grandpa Carl. We can most certainly share with them the love we have for our collective families.

I see great love there. I see great pride there in heritage. It is exciting to get to know them. I pray what we have started here continues for generations to come.

Influencers in My Family History

Two very separate events have kind of taken over my thoughts this past week.

A while back I was downstairs in the treasure room and I came across a letter written by my grandparents to the Church asking a question about how to pursue a family line in England.

Attached to the letter was the response from someone in the Genealogical Department of the Church in Salt Lake City. The letter was dated around 1974.

The instructions included an address for a contact at some library in London who they were certain could put them in contact with someone at a library somewhere else in England.

This whole thing made me think of how far family history research has come. 1974 was not all that long ago. Yet look what they had to do in their search for information!

Another thing that has given me reason to think are the many new contacts I’ve made recently as a result of the DNA testing I’ve done through Ancestry.

All of the people I have met are distantly related but they come with fresh energy and almost excitement in our shared worked.

One of them, after contacting me at Ancestry and then coming here to our little family history website, asked: “Who are your influences? What is there in our history that makes you want to do this?”

As I’ve thought about it I have enjoyed a spirit of thanksgiving – almost a counting of the family history blessings, you could say – that has brought many tears this past week. There are so many influencers for me. I think they are worthy of recounting here.

GrandparentsThese are my grandparents, Leon and Maurine Westover. I count them as among the greatest influences upon me in many ways, not just in family history. As a grandson they invested in me a great deal of time and love in just teaching me I was part of something greater – my family. Both of them have been gone from this life for 30 years now and yet their influence is still so very profoundly felt and appreciated. My Grandpa was so smart to talk to me about both the past and the future. I can remember him many, many, many times telling me about the Westover Ranch in Idaho. I had never gone there as a child and I regret to admit it took me many years – after most of my own children were born – to get there. He knew that yet he planted those seeds and dang if he didn’t prophetically foresee what a symbol it would become in my life. Grandma’s approach with Family History with me always so wisely focused on my Mother and her insistence that I had to help my mother with that work. While she was free with the details of the Westover and Riggs family history she knew and had worked on she let me know what a great work waited for me on my mother’s side. Grandma was so very wise.

MomThis is my Mom. I’ve told you her story many times before. It is, quite honestly, a miracle and I’m convinced she remains a guiding force even from the other side for her family. Some days what I wouldn’t give to be where she is, sharing in the conversations I know she is having. But at the same time I enjoy now a connection with my Mom that is entirely unique. It is a closeness I cannot quite describe but it is all about family and all of my family – past, present and future. I very keenly feel that influence.

Gary and Barbara GillenThese are my in-laws, Gary and Barbara Gillen. I’ve not shared much of the Gillen family history here that I know and I’ll tell you why: it’s not my place. I’ve worked on it, and I’m interested in it, but that joy of discovery belongs to them, my wife, her siblings and my children and grandchildren. Like my Grandma did with me, I can encourage and advise. Here is what my children already know about my wife’s parents: they are a chosen generation in their family to kick-start the work of family history there and they have done a wonderful job of it already, even if they don’t know it. I have marveled at how they have built a deep relationship with my children though the years and a thousand miles have separated them. This has come from a responsive interest in the lives of the kids and a patient, peaceful and kind representation of all things family. Sandy’s Dad – and everyone calls him Pops – may not be the strongest with names and dates but there isn’t a better storyteller on God’s green earth. I have watched him time and again take the kids back in time and make them part of the family he has always known and appreciated. Nonny, Sandy’s Mom, is a hometown girl who loves where she lives and the life she has had there. She seems to know everyone and can tell you their story. She is a peacemaker who has nothing but love to share and her influence with my children is so much greater than she realizes. That’s just the way it is with grandmothers, I’ve decided.

Gerald and Milda QuilterThis is a picture of my Uncle Gerald and my great Aunt Milda, my Grandma’s sister. Both were a joy to me. Gerald in particular reminds me much of Pops in that he could tell a story that would keep you in stitches. He always seemed to have a tear in one eye and a twinkle in the other. This was man who took joy in every member of his family, who spoke nothing but kindness in each one of them, and whose personal habits were completely unselfish. I can remember, just watching him speak to Milda, and how he spoke to me, that as I child I thought, “I want to be just like him.” Over the years I have contemplated that feeling I had and wondered if I could ever be that kind of giant influence on the heart of a child. Gerald made me feel important, and like my grandparents, he tried to get me to understand I was part of something greater. It humbles me now just to think of him and his goodness.

Aldyth QuilterHere is another one of my Grandma’s sisters, my Aunt Allie. That is how I’ve always thought of her – she was “mine”. I wasn’t able to know Aldyth growing up but I recall so many times my father talking about “my Aunt Allie”. I got to know her when she came to the rescue when Grandma got so sick. She set everything aside in her life and came and just took care of business there at Grandma’s house. It was so like her that nobody else in the family seemed to be phased at her commitment. She just came and served. And while she served she smiled, she laughed, she remembered. For me she was instant family from the moment I met her. Like so many others I speak of here she invested in me and took time to tell me things about her upbringing, my Grandma’s life and my father’s life. She cried when she told me about her children and she laughed and cried some more when she talked about her grandchildren. Aldyth was also committed, just like all of her sisters, to the work of family history and I find her name on things everywhere I look. Her love wasn’t reserved just for me, clearly, but she sure made me feel like it was.

Nana and BumpaHere is a picture of my Mom, around age three with her mother and her step father, Pat Caldwell. As a child and even today we refer to him as Bumpa. Pat Caldwell does not fit the mold of the most of the other men I speak of here. His upbringing was completely different and his journey was entirely unique. But he gave me valuable lessons related to family – how to be a step-parent, how to be a loyal son, how to even be a grandfather. I had unique experiences with him that I never had with my other grandfather. Some of those experiences were physical – working side by side. Other times were just talking, sharing philosophies, man to man. Bumpa was a man who carried great love yet didn’t quite know how to express it. He was generous. He was respectful of differences. If I disagreed with him he would sometimes say, “Well, maybe you know something I don’t know yet”. He was a man who learned his lessons and applied change. He was free with sharing his mistakes. I could see where my Mom got her sometimes brutal honesty and I came to see that as a strength and something to admire. I admired it greatly in him.

Mary Ann Smith WestoverThis is a photo of Mary Ann Smith Westover, my great grandmother. She died before I was born. All that I have heard about her speaks of how she was a force to be reckoned with. I recognize her as one of my influencers because she left a physical record that not only advanced my knowledge of family history on many sides but also demonstrated to me her tremendous faith and hope in the work of temples. Her hand-written family group sheets – complete in many cases with photographs (quite the feat back in those days) are really what remains at the foundation of our total family history efforts. She was visionary in the respect that as a Mother and grandmother she not only took pictures but organized and stored them into albums. She wanted them preserved and I think she would be happy to know what’s become of them and how they are so greatly valued by us, the later generations.

Alber and Sophia SmithAlong those lines are these Smith grandparents of Mary Ann Smith pictured here – Albert and Sophia Smith, of Manti, Utah. Talk about vision. Both of these folks embraced the gospel of Jesus Christ with their whole lives. Family and the love of God was what it was all about and no amount of effort required would stay them from moving that forward. These pioneers built the temples they so desperately came to Zion for and found a way to get generations of their family past through the temple on their behalf. Better than 1500 family names on both sides were researched, gathered and then organized for ordinance work that was completed between 1888 and 1892. What an epic accomplishment!

Darrell and Evie WestoverHere is one of their great grandsons, my Uncle Darrell, with another of Grandma’s sisters, my Aunt Evie. I do not think enough can be said of their many efforts on behalf of the Westover and Riggs family lines (and thus the Smiths and the Snows and all the others). I always felt singled out among my siblings by my Uncle Darrell, whose efforts to advance the deep history of the family seemed to be targeted squarely on me. He sometimes quizzed me. I can recall going to a Priesthood meeting with him when I was thirteen, with him sitting on my left and my Dad sitting on my right. It was quiet until he turned to me and asked, “Tell me what you know about Albert Smith.” And he just never stopped with that stuff. I was nearly 50 years old and he was still doing it to me. Oh, how I miss him and how I wish he would grill me again. Fortunately my aunt Evie has been less inclined over the years to put me on the spot. She’s got the grandma approach down pretty good and it can’t just be because she has a hundred billion grandchildren and great grandchildren now. I don’t know what they sprinkled on the Wheaties of the Riggs children back in the day but I weep when I think about each one of them and their sweet love of all things family.

DadHere’s a picture of my father and I have a million more just like this. Dad would always say he belonged on just one side of the camera and if you look at some of the pictures of him it is clear why he feels that way. From the youngest age I have heard my Dad tell the family stories. He’s not been one to engage in tree making or data gathering of names and dates but he’s got a clear vision of the entire epic family story. From my Dad I have learned to reverence it and to celebrate it. Like my Dad, I have a hard time feeling worthy of them. Dad has always encouraged my work in family history and these days I go to him first with news of any discovery. He advises me on this site and what we store here. But I think the greatest lesson from my Dad has been his involvement with my Mother’s family and the great role he played in bringing them into her life. My Mom would not have accomplished all she did without my Dad doing what he did. Talk about a proxy work! And now, with Mom passed, I work side by side with my Dad in family history efforts that will have lasting impact for those generations that follow us. I also post that picture of him behind the camera for another reason and I’m serious about this. You see, I’ve always given Dad a bit of a hard time about all the photos he’s taken of things like the Grand Canyon. But along with those efforts has been a very dedicated effort to document through photography the history of the family – and that includes many hours as a kid when Dad would copy old photographs and we’d develop them and then share them. Dad was way ahead of his time in all this.

Pete BegichHere’s a picture of my great Uncle Pete. We got to know Pete only after Dad called him while he was on a business trip to Minnesota. Not many years after that Pete and Alice and Bunni came to California to be sealed in the temple. A few years later, on a whim, I made a lone car ride to Minnesota and spent a week in his home. Day and night Pete invested great effort in me to share the history of the Begich family. He shared stories and pictures. And he made a very difficult effort with his mother, who was still living, but who just could not handle the pain of seeing me. He explained to me why it was so hard on her and felt that my effort to come to Minnesota was inspired. I know he wanted his mother and my mother to meet, and my being there trying to break the ice was a step in that direction. It didn’t happen and that fact made Pete weep. But he honored his mother and he honored me with his efforts. He was so very kind to me and I cannot wait to thank him again.

LaRee Westover HarveyHere is my Aunt LaRee, my father’s sister. Like my father she shares a great reverence for her heritage. How could she not, being raised by my grandparents? What LaRee has taught me are lessons in seeing people more deeply and in forgiving their faults. I love this picture in particular of her as she looks up to her father, my Grandpa. In some ways I’ve felt Grandpa was a misunderstood man. LaRee has helped me to better understand him and appreciate him. She has helped me to see that she has that respect for him not just because he is her father but also because he really was a great man. LaRee to me is also one of those family members who always will be family no matter what. I can go years without seeing her and then sit down and chat with LaRee and Will like a day has not passed. I consider her “up there” with all my great aunts and that’s no small thing. That is just how I feel about her.

Jay and Mary WestoverThis is my brother Jay, and my sister-in-law, Mary. I have spoken of Mary many times before because she more than anyone else has been in the trenches of family history research and discovery. But Mary has had to discover her family on her own and she was done a tremendous work. She has brought various members of her still-living family together and made them family again. I love to get messages from her when something new pops up or when she discovers a rich new vein of information. Mary possesses a passionate vision that I equate with that of my Grandmother’s. In fact, I can’t help but think how Grandma and Mary would have gotten along and how they would have thrilled in each other. Mary doesn’t give up. She turns over every stone, hops every fence, and asks every question when she hits a dead end. Miracles happen as a result. It is a joy to witness.

Westover ChildrenThese are my children. They put up with me always talking about family history. I picture them here as influencers on family history because they have in their young adult lives remained so very close and have the vision – every last one of them – to recognize not only the value but real need they have for that in the future. They are all best friends and that makes me weep more than they can ever know. I know that they will eventually see that the safety and the warmth and the love they feel to each other extends to family on every side and it’s here waiting for them to embrace. When they discover it they will take great joy in it. Oh, how I wish to see that day. They will find people just like them and they will find others who are just like they are to each other. These are treasures that await them and they will want for their children to have them too.

Sandy WestoverAnd lastly, this is my wife, Sandy. She would tell you that she doesn’t belong with all the people I’ve mentioned above because she hasn’t done her family history. She would tell you that she’s not organized, that she never made baby books for the kids like my mother did, and that all our pictures were taken by me, and that she’s not worthy and she’s guilty and her book of life is just a book of shame when it comes to all this and blah, blah, blah. Don’t listen to her. Let me tell you where her gift is with all this. Sandy has an ability to walk into a room a connect with anyone there. She sees the heart, feels the pain and she lifts when she can sit down and hold a hand and share a tear. It delighted me to see her get close to my mother and how precious she became to my Mom as a result. Few people knew my Mom like Sandy did. She has a particular “weakness” (if you can call it that) for the elderly, especially little old men. It seems every little old man reminds her of her father. There’s a lot of love in that statement.

These are only some of the family historians in our family. There are many others I could mention. Each brings a little something unique to the effort. But common among them all is realization of what a powerful thing for good the family is. In them is where the real joy of life – both this life and the life to come – is to be found.

Family History is Social

All Family History is Social

My DNA results are in. They came in quite unexpectedly, less than 4 weeks after I had sent off my sample.

As expected, they have revealed so far no huge surprises. My heritage is dominantly British with a very healthy representation of Mormon Pioneers. Shocker.

But even if I had not known that before I was still thrilled to get these results.

In the past couple of days since the results arrived I can tell you without reservation that my family history efforts have now risen to an all new level.

You see, now I am connected via DNA to more than 4000 cousins I did not know that I have.

Many of those are fellow test takers who have trees, pictures, and stories – and maybe some answers.

In just a little more than 72 hours I have made a little more than a dozen new contacts, people who have reached out to me first.

I thought that could happen but I didn’t think it would happen so fast and I didn’t think I’d immediately connect with that many.

I did a little prep work in advance of this day.

It took some time but I was able to coordinate the status of my tree on my computer, on FamilySearch.org and on Ancestry.com.

They are all nearly identical now, a fact that has never been true before because I tended to focus my efforts more completely on my personal records.

Now I feel they are all caught up. (Or all equally incomplete, however you care to look at it!)

I knew that once my test was in and connected to my tree I would be given a chance to see the trees of not only a lot more people, but of a lot of family.

I made my tree very obviously public. I did that on purpose.

While I understand why some people keep private trees I do not agree with the practice – at least for the deceased.

I want my tree out there. I want it to be scrutinized and even criticized. I want my tree to be as accurate as possible. I want the information I share to be well sourced and reliable.

But if I have something wrong I want people to show me and help me to fix it.

I will be looking at their trees, too. That’s kind of the point. Doing so gives fresh leads, new sources, and even better ideas of where the next discovery will come from.

I know I won’t see perfection in the trees I’ll be looking at. But I should at least be able to see some new trees I hadn’t seen before.

Sure enough, some of the trees I have seen so far are filled with errors, speculation, and pictures of people who couldn’t possibly have been photographed because they were born and lived well before the advent of the camera.

But just like the ethnicity estimates the DNA testing companies attached to your DNA, these errors you find in the trees of others are hardly the point.

What, then, is the point?

The point is that you connect with your family out there who are working on family history. The social nature of it has power in its own right and the details can all be sorted out after the connection is made.

This is family history in our age.

People turn to social media, specialty DNA websites and online communities first to figure out how to use DNA results and then to connect to the people they find through those results.

There are two things that always results when family finds each other online: first, they learn just how they are related, and second, they share the stories they hold in common but may have never known.

This is why I waited for my DNA results like Christmas morning was coming. I knew it meant meeting a lot of family and that I could and would learn a lot from them.

I don’t know what I don’t know. And I can’t wait to find out what I don’t know about my family.

I think most people feel this way. Or they feel stronger about it than they care to admit.

DNA research, I have learned, is family history for the living. Most tend to focus, and rightfully so, on those who don’t know who their immediate family is. The adopted each have an unknown story and my experience is that they just want to know.

But DNA also plays a vital role even for the most experienced and knowledgeable family historians. It connects living family right now – and gets them talking.

What do you suppose the Millennium will be like?

I see it much like this: family will be sorting out family together.

I can see now how my DNA results are leading me in that direction. I find it exciting.

And I now have more work than a thousand years could possibly resolve. Stay tuned.